


Dad?

by orphan_account



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-22
Updated: 2016-02-27
Packaged: 2018-05-21 14:03:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6054349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>based on this post: http://bisexualdinahlance.tumblr.com/post/139552510565/i-really-need-more-happy-sad-and-ridiculous</p><p>Alexander Hamilton is married to Elizabeth Schuyler.</p><p>John Laurens is in a happy relationship with them both.</p><p>They lose track of who fathered which kids.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

[Hammie]: look at my son!!!!!!!! 

[[img_00485]]

[turtle man with a plan]: SO SO CUTE

[turtle man with a plan]: I'M CALLING DIBS

[Hammie]: there's not really any proof that he's not yours

[turtle man with a plan]: EVEN BETTER

[turtle man with a plan]: I'M COMING TO THE HOSPITAL RIGHT AWAY OK TELL ELIZA TO GET READY FOR SOME MAJOR CODDLING

[Hammie]: ...you're not even allowed in for like three hours

[turtle man with a plan]: you underestimate my Power

[Hammie]: look if i couldn't get you in as literal secretary of the treasury, you can't get in either

[turtle man with a plan]: i'm going to  _fight_ my way in

[Hammie]: i'm pretty sure that would qualify as suspicious behavior that might in fact make our relationship known to the public

[turtle man with a plan]: whatever

[turtle man with a plan]: i'll be there anyway i'll chill in the waiting room and i will be very good and not fight anyone

[Hammie]: good plan

[Hammie]: see there's a reason you're still turtle man with a plan in my phone

[turtle man with a plan]: still???

[turtle man with a plan]: whatever see you soon

[Hammie]: see you <3

 


	2. Chapter 1

 

DAILY NEWS: JOHN LAURENS TRUE FATHER OF THE HAMILTON CHILDREN

John Laurens, lauded war hero, 32, has been revealed to be the biological father of Philip Hamilton, 1, and Angelica Hamilton, 0, thought to be children of Treasury Secretary Alexander Hamilton, 31, and his wife, Elizabeth Schuyler Hamilton, 29. Laurens, who is often seen... (Click for more)

\--

Daily News (@DailyNewsDotCom)

@hammie51 has been deceived this WHOLE TIME bit.ly/D3fH74q

Alexander Hamilton (@hammie51)

@DailyNewsDotCom ... @jlaurthesciencebaur @bestofbetseys how could you do this to me

John Laurens (@jlaurthesciencebaur)

@DailyNewsDotCom @hammie51 @bestofbetseys oh, no. i am deeply sorry, alexander. from the depths of my heart.

Eliza Hamilton (@bestofbetseys)

@jlaurthesciencebaur @hammie51 let's leave @DailyNewsDotCom out of it, boys. let's talk over dinner tonight?

Daily News (@DailyNewsDotCom)

@bestofbetseys @jlaurthesciencebaur @hammie51 the plot thickens...

\--

 _Ding dong_. The sound reverberated through the house, catching the ear of Eliza, who ignored it in favor of reading to Philip, and Alexander, who immediately ran to get it, still holding Angelica. He pulled the door open with one hand, bouncing Angelica with the other, and grinned. 

"Hey, John. How's life back in the public eye?"

John grinned, stepping inside. "Eventful, to say the least."

"Angelica agrees. See how she's trying to wave at you? That's how she says she agrees. She's been helping me with my latest essay."

"Does your latest essay involve screams for chicken nuggets?"

Alexander nodded. "Only the finest dino nuggets, too." He turned his head back down to the baby. "Although I think Angie might turn out to be more of a mac and cheese baby, don't you?"

"Don't restrict her, Alex. Anyway, I hope she's not sticking to your sleep schedule."

Alex raised his head with a sharp jerk. "Oh, no." He shifted Angie to hold her in his right arm so he could check his watch. "It's past her bedtime. Eliza's in the family room with Phil; tell her I'm putting Angie to bed."

John laughed. "Godspeed."

Alex rushed up the stairs in the center of the entryway, and John meandered to the right to the family room. He found Eliza there, reading one of the many cardboard kids' books that they had somehow come to own to Philip. She looked up long enough to acknowledge John with a nod, then adjusted Philip, who was too entranced to notice John, on her lap and went on reading. John took a seat next to her on the sofa. He leaned back into the pillows to wait for Eliza to finish.

When she did, Philip released a quiet, "Oh," before he looked up to see John. "Hi, John!" 

John smiled. "Hi, Philip!"

Eliza grinned at John. "No hi for me?"

"Nope. Only for Philip."

Eliza pouted. 

John shrugged. "Sorry. You're just not cute enough."

"That's not fair. No one beats Philip in the cuteness contest." Eliza poked Philip. "Unfortunately, no one beats Philip in the going-to-bed contest, either."

"Alex said much the same thing about Angie."

"I assumed as much. Well, then, Philip will have company in his slumbers." Eliza scooped up her son, standing up. "Say good night to John, Philip."

"I don't wanna go to bed," Philip said.

"But you are, so you have to say good night to John, or else I'm taking you upstairs without saying good night at all."

"Good night, John." Philip had a definite scowl on his face.

"Good night, Philip. Don't let the bedbugs bite."

"Bedbugs aren't real!"

John only smiled as Eliza took Philip away, and then the room was silent but for the muffled cries of two tired children. John flipped through some kids' books; they were all far too simple for him to take any enjoyment from them, but Philip seemed to like them. Angie would, too, someday. 

He was in the middle of one called Silly Sally when Alexander came in and sat down next to him. "Are you enjoying Philip's books?"

"I'm on the edge of my seat to find out what animal Sally meets next," John said. 

Alex peeked over his shoulder. "It's a sheep. There, now you can put it away and be with me instead."

"I'm already with you," John replied, but he tossed the book aside in favor of leaning into Alex. "How's your life been in the past, oh, twenty-four hours?"

"Hectic," Alex said, slinging an arm around John. "Someone decided to publish a major tabloid article about my wife and my gay lover."

"Who also happens to be dating your wife. They did get that part right."

"Of course," Alex grinned, kissing John's cheek. "Can't forget that."

"Did someone say something about Alex's wife?" Eliza waltzed into the room, taking her seat half on Alex's lap, half on John's. "Because I am here, and the kids are all asleep."

"Good timing," Alex said. "We've got to do something."

"Other than each other?" John asked.

"Sadly, yes," Alex replied. "It's a tragic truth."

"Shut up, you two," Eliza said. "There's not even that much to discuss. Do we tell everyone, or do we just let this pass?"

"Well, Alex has kind of been too much of a smartass on Twitter to let it pass," John said, pulling out his phone. "The replies are full of speculation."

"So we tell everyone. That was easy." Eliza got up. "Blog post, Alexander?"

"It's too long for a tweet," Alex agreed.

"Not if I write it," John said. 

"No, we need more than 140 characters if we're going to get people to understand," Alex said. "Eliza, get off, will you? I'm going to get my laptop."

Eliza slid off their laps, and Alex dashed off. 

\--

**John Laurens May Have Fathered My Children**

-posted by Alexander Hamilton at 11:14 PM-

And yes, he is helping me write this. So is Eliza, in fact.

So here it goes: as many of you may know, I am an openly bisexual man. What many of you probably do not know is that I am also a polyamorous man, and I was dating John Laurens before I ever met Eliza, and I did not break up with him when I began dating her. Instead, John and I both entered into a poly relationship with her. The terms of this relationship are simple: we all love each other, and we all do the same things with each other that you would do in a two-person relationship. So, yes, that includes various bedroom activities (John says I should just say sex here. Yes, I mean sex, John), and, yes, there is doubt as to the biological fatherhood of my children. John and I each consider ourselves a father, and our children will be raised by both of us as well as Eliza. In fact, now that the news is out, an invitation has been extended to John to move in to our house, which he has, of course, accepted. 

It's worth noting that this will not affect anything for me politically, and John is still the war hero he always was, and Eliza is doing a fantastic job of teaching those third graders. Nothing has changed, really; we've just been forced to throw ourselves into the spotlight. Obviously, we wanted to not cause a scene, but a scene has been caused, so we have to live with it now.

Eliza says that if I don't stop writing now, I'll never stop, and she really wants me to get some sleep tonight. So I guess that's all from me. Good night, everyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the weirdest part about this is that i'm imagining anthony ramos as john laurens, and then... younger anthony ramos as philip. also, i am a fierce believer that alexander hamilton would have had a much better life if he had just known about the concept of polyamory


	3. Chapter 2

_Blog Statistics:_

_Post #29483: **John Laurens May Have Fathered My Children**_

_Views: 483,129_

_Comments: 3,485_

\--

Alexander Hamilton (@hammie51)

well, it's all here bit.ly/fH7Fa3 @bestofbetseys @jlaurthesciencebaur

Thomas Jefferson (@tjefferson)

Hamilton would have the entire country engaging in acts such as this.

Retweet @hammie51 "well, it's all here bit.ly/fH7Fa3 @bestofbetseys @jlaurthesciencebaur"

Henry Laurens (@HenryLaurens)

@jlaurthesciencebaur is no longer my son.

John Laurens (@jlaurthesciencebaur)

@HenryLaurens that's what you said when i told you i was dating alex. it's kind of losing its clout.

Alexander Hamilton (@hammie51)

@jlaurthesciencebaur @HenryLaurens OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH BURRRRRNNNNN

Eliza Hamilton (@bestofbetseys)

@hammie51 @jlaurthesciencebaur @HenryLaurens alex you're such a child

Henry Laurens (@HenryLaurens)

@bestofbetseys @hammie51 @jlaurthesciencebaur You're all disgusting.

\--

John had to go back to his apartment to get his stuff and to tell the landlords that he would be leaving. He met with little trouble on the way, but as he left, reporters were surrounding the exit to the building. Their voices overlapped in an endless tirade of questions, and John did try to answer some.

"How long has this been going on?"

"Alex said in his blog post. Since he met Eliza."

"And did you meet her right away?"

"No, no, Alex introduced me. He was entranced; I was, too, and I identified as gay at the time."

"What do you identify as  _now_?"

"Doesn't matter. I love Alex, I love Eliza, I love their-- our-- children. That's all." John ducked his head and plowed his way through the reporters. They all stepped away, and John grinned at the idea that they were scared of him. Sure, he was a war hero, but he was nothing without a gun, and it had been years since his last battle.

\--

"Philip, we have some news for you." 

Philip looked up from his game, which involved smashing a truck into as many block towers as he could, to see Eliza standing between Alex and John, one hand in Alex's, the other in John's. "News?"

"Yes. We have something very important to tell you. I think you'll like it."

"Tell me!"

Eliza crouched down. "John's going to live here now, okay? In our house, with us."

"John coming to visit?"

"No. He's coming forever."

Philip jumped up, a huge grin on his face. "I have to tell Angie!" He ran out of the room, John, Alex, and Eliza running after. 

"Philip!" Eliza cried.

He stopped, turning around as his face fell.

"Angie is asleep. Can you tell her later?"

Philip's face brightened again, and he nodded. "Dinner?"

"Yes, at dinner."

"Okay!" And he toddled off, back the the playroom.

Eliza looked back at the other two. "When do we explain the concept of polyamory?"

"He'll pick up on it. He's a smart kid."

\--

They all sat around the table for dinner that night, John joining them in an official family member capacity for the first time. Of course, he was around so much that Philip was used to seeing his face at the table, but it was still a little special. Philip was in his high chair, and Angie, not yet even old enough for a chair, was in John's lap.

"Angie, Angie, guess what!" Philip called across the table. 

"She's not old enough to guess," Eliza said.

"Oh. I'll just have to tell her, then. Angie, John's coming to live with us forever!"

Angie spit up on her onesie. John scrambled to clean it up.

"Mommy, Mommy, that means she's excited?"

"I think Angie's too little to be excited about John," Eliza said, cutting some pasta into tiny pieces for Philip. "You can tell her about it later, when she's old enough to understand, okay? You can tell her how excited you were, and maybe she'll be excited, too." She put the plate of shredded pasta onto the high chair table. 

"Okay." Philip began the process of meticulously picking up and eating each piece of pasta. "Are you and Daddy and John going to get married?"

Eliza looked at Alex and John. 

"We're not married because getting married is really hard," John said, "but we're basically married."

"Is John my daddy too?"

Alex chuckled under his breath. "John might be your only daddy," he said.

John elbowed him. "Yes, but keep calling me John, okay? Otherwise your other daddy and I won't know when you're talking to me and when you're talking to him."

"Okay."

\--

Freddie Johnson (@TheFreddie)

so... if @hammie51 is somehow in love with two people, what  _else_ is going on in our government that we don't know about?

Alexander Hamilton (@hammie51)

@TheFreddie ...i've always wondered about jefferson and madison...

Thomas Jefferson (@tjefferson)

@hammie51 @TheFreddie You shouldn't. I am heterosexual.

Alexander Hamilton (@hammie51)

tell that to your boyfriend

Eliza Hamilton (@bestofbetseys)

@hammie51 kindly remove yourself from this conversation.

\--

DAILY NEWS: THOMAS JEFFERSON AND JAMES MADISON CONFIRMED TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP

\--

Thomas Jefferson (@tjefferson)

@DailyNewsDotCom This is a lie.

Alexander Hamilton (@hammie51)

@tjefferson much like most of the things you write about me. at least this one sounds plausible.

Thomas Jefferson (@tjefferson)

@hammie51 I only write true things.

Alexander Hamilton (@hammie51)

@tjefferson except the time you wrote that i said julius caesar was the greatest leader there is

\--

Eliza had had to take Alexander's phone away from him so that he would stop Tweeting. He insisted that he had work to do, but she insisted that it could wait until tomorrow, and right now they had to get John settled. John insisted he was already settled, and in fact his toothbrush had already been in the bathroom because he stayed over so often already, and Eliza shrugged and said, "Well, then, we can watch a movie." As she pulled John and Alex onto the bed, she whispered in John's ear, "Anything to keep him away from Twitter."

"I heard that!" Alex said, burrowing his face into Eliza's shoulder. "I'll have you both know that I am a completely trustworthy person, and Thomas Jefferson is not, and therefore I must call him out whenever possible. Furthermore--"

"Alex, honey, you're going to get all stressed, and with your face in her shoulder we can barely hear what you're saying," John said, reaching over to pat Alexander on the knee. 

Alex lifted his face a little. "Since when do you call me honey?"

"Since just now."

"John, can you get my laptop?" Eliza asked. 

John pulled the computer off the nightstand and handed it to Eliza.

"All right. What should we watch?"

"Bee Movie," Alexander said, his face once more in Eliza's shoulder.

"Denied."

\--

On the other side of D. C., Thomas Jefferson was standing in the middle of his living room, arguing with James Madison.

"It absolutely matters," he yelled. "My reputation is  _ruined_."

"No, it's not. This will blow over, and everyone knows Hamilton's full of it."

"Not everyone!"

"Everyone who supports you in the first place, and a few others besides."

"Hmph." Thomas flopped down on the couch, and James followed. "Do we really look that close?"

"I hate to break it to you, Thomas, but you have a bad habit of kissing me when you're excited."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry i've started the thing where the chapter numbers in the titles don't match up with the actual numbers. i hate that. i hope you all don't.  
> also, i've decided who actually fathered each kid as far as biology goes. if you don't want to know, stop reading here. i've decided for all of them, but i'll reveal as they are born/after this ends if they aren't born over the course of this fic. if you desperately must know, contact me at regenderate.tumblr.com or leave a comment!  
> laurens is philip's biological father  
> ham is angie's biological father  
> (i guess this means that the whole "angie has freckles" headcanon is gone because philip inherited that from john)  
> also there are SO MANY PEOPLE in the president's cabinet now. prepare for everyone important to the plot to be in the president's cabinet. except eliza and john because eliza's a third grade teacher and john's a medical something or other.  
> ALSO ALSO ALSO thomas jefferson actually did say that alexander hamilton liked julius caesar he had a mean girls style burn book where he wrote blatant lies about people he didn't like. hamilton shows up more than anyone else.


	4. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i will take the blame for every single inaccurate thing about what it's like to have just had a baby. i have never had a baby.

Blog Statistics:

Post #29483: John Laurens May Have Fathered My Children

Views: 2,394,323

Comments: 7,584

\--

When John woke up the next morning, everything was deceptively familiar, but, somehow, different. He was lying underneath Eliza and in the same room as a disgruntled half-dressed Alexander, which was nothing new, but there was still an air of newness about the whole thing. He had to think for a moment before he remembered: this was his home now. He lived with Eliza and Alexander, and their children were arguably his children, and he could yell to the entire world about how much he loved Eliza and Alex if he wanted to, although he possibly shouldn't do that to Alex's career. Or his own.

But still. 

He looked over at the clock, which said it was 6:30. Why was Alex already up? It was Saturday. Surely he didn't have to go in this early.

(John did. But he worked in the emergency room, and people were sick and hurt all the time, not just during respectable hours on weekdays.)

Alexander was watching him, and he smiled. "Good morning."

"Good morning." Alex went back to putting on his shirt.

John eased Eliza off of him, laying her gently back on the bed. "She doesn't need to be up, does she?" he asked, looking up at Alex.

Alex shrugged. "Angie'll start yelling soon enough. She needs sleep."

This was true. Angie had also started yelling at least twice in the middle of the night, in fact; Eliza had had to stop both John and Alex from getting up to help, telling them that they needed the sleep more than she did. She was wrong; John had seen how dead on her feet she was. But Eliza wouldn't let him up, and he did have to wake up early, so he had curled around Alexander and gone back to sleep both times.

"Okay," John whispered. He got dressed (possibly involving more than a few kisses from Alexander) and snuck out of the house, grabbing an apple as he went. He heard Alex follow, and he sighed. He knew well enough that sleeping that little and working that much wasn't good for anyone's health.

\--

[hon hon hon]: so we are having a party, right?

[alexandre]: why?

[hon hon hon]: because you just revealed your relationship to the world, and because i really want a party.

[alexandre]: get hercules and come to our house at like five or six tonight

[alexandre]: earlier if you want to play with the kids for longer. i won't be home until five, probably, but all the normal people who are don't go to work on saturday and are on maternity leave anyway will be around all day

[alexandre]: which actually just means eliza. the er stops for no scandal, i guess, so john's working most of today. 

[alexandre]: don't get too close to angie; she's still really little

[alexandre]: technically it's irresponsible to bring you and herc into the house before she's 3 months old, but you'll love her, so you have to meet her

[alexandre]: also eliza is like really really tired so don't be mean to her and maybe offer to help look after philip or something (he's a sweetheart he's not hard to look after at all) (more like hard to look away from because he's so perfect)

[alexandre]: do you think washington wants to come or is he too busy being president and all that?

[hon hon hon]: do you really want to bring secret service into this?

[alexandre]: good point. 

[alexandre]: i'll get peggy, though, and maybe angelica can skype in or something. who else?

[hon hon hon]: that sounds like quite enough, alex.

\--

[Alex]: hey laf really wants to have a party tonight

[Alex]: which as far as i can tell just means he comes over with herc, and maybe peggy comes too, and maybe angelica via skype if she can

[Alex]: are you up for it?

[elizaBEST]: well, he has to meet angie eventually.

[elizaBEST]: today's a good day for it, actually. she's very calm. as compared with the last week of her existence, that is.

[Alex]: !!!!!!!!!!!!i bet she's so cute!!!!!

[elizaBEST]: she really is.

\--

[hammie]: hEY JOHN GUESS WHAT

[turtle man with a plan]: what

[hammie]: laf and herc are coming over tonight!! laf wants to have a "party" which i figure means we should microwave something slightly nicer than usual for dinner and let them play with the kids.

[hammie]: peggy might come too if she can! wish it were a weekday so we could ask hercules to ask her :-(

[turtle man with a plan]: she doesn't even see herc every day. it would have to be a particularly fortuitous weekday.

[turtle man with a plan]: also, you have her phone number

[hammie]: good point

\--

[Alexander Hamilton]: hey peggy! you want to come over tonight? we're having a bit of a party. mostly for lafayette's sake, but a party nonetheless!

[small]: Well, someone has to make sure you, John, Lafayette, and Hercules don't put too much strain on Eliza.

[Alexander Hamilton]: hey, she agreed to it.

\--

At exactly four P. M., the doorbell rang. Angie had just woken up from her nap, and Eliza rushed to the door, still trying to quiet her crying child. 

She opened the door to see Lafayette, holding a bouquet, and Hercules, carrying a gift bag.

Angie was still crying.

"Oh, come in," Eliza said. "Just sit down; I think Angie needs a diaper change. I'll be with you in a moment."

Lafayette and Hercules were both smiling down at Angie. 

"She is so lovely," Lafayette said.

"She really is a cute one," Hercules said.

Eliza laughed. "Wait until you see her not screaming."

"I look forward to it," Lafayette said. "I assume you are teaching her French?"

"She's, like, three days old," Hercules reminded Lafayette. "They haven't started teaching her English."

"Alexander speaks enough French that she'll learn," Eliza told Lafayette. "Especially when you're around. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to change her diaper."

\--

Lafayette and Hercules had been playing with Philip and goggling at Angie on her mom's lap for at least an hour before Peggy or John showed up, and two before Alexander did. However, both did show up eventually, and that was when the real party started.

They got Angelica on Skype, with Eliza in the middle, holding Angie up for her aunt to see as Philip tried to pop himself into the picture, clambering all over the laps of Lafayette, Hercules, Peggy, Alexander, and John. Angelica laughed. 

"I miss you all," she said. "Even the ones I haven't met yet!" 

"Aunt Angica! You've met me!" Philip called.

"Someday I'll meet you in real life, though."

"What that mean?" Philip had officially taken over the prime real estate of Eliza's right leg, also known as the one that wasn't bouncing Angie.

"You live in New York. Someday, I'll be in New York." Angelica smiled. "So, tell me about this new mystery baby. What's her name?"

Everyone looked at Eliza. 

"Did you not tell your own sister what your child's name was?" Hercules asked.

"It's my fault," Alex said. "I was supposed to send out the email to friends and family."

"You didn't send that?" Eliza asked. "How do you do so much work, and yet so little?"

"No one's told me her name yet," Angelica prodded.

Everyone laughed but Eliza, who blushed.

"I named this one for you, Angelica," Eliza said. "We call her Angie. You can figure out what it's short for."

Angelica's smile even managed to light up the room she wasn't in. "For me?"

Eliza nodded. "She's got a lot to live up to."

"Well, she's got three of the best parents in the world," Angelica grinned, "not to mention some super cool honorary... uncles? And Peggy, too, of course."

Peggy flashed Angelica a smile. Hercules and Lafayette looked at each other. 

"Uncles?" Lafayette asked.

"Could be worse," Hercules agreed. 

Angie started crying.

"See, that's a sign she likes it," Alex said. 

"That's a sign that she needs to go to bed," Eliza replied. 

John, who was on the end, got up. "I'll put her to bed. Keep talking to your sister." 

"Are you sure?"

John nodded, reaching to take the baby from Eliza, holding her as if she were his favorite glass vase. He disappeared into Angie's tiny bedroom, and the party raged on outside.

\--

DAILY NEWS: THOMAS JEFFERSON AND JAMES MADISON CAUGHT KISSING ON CAMERA

After an important presidential decision today, in which the ideals of Thomas Jefferson, 34, were affirmed and even progressed by President Washington, a Senator, who would like to remain unnamed, caught Jefferson kissing Secretary of Commerce James Madison, 32. Jefferson and Madison have been speculated...

\--

Thomas Jefferson (@tjefferson)

I am not dating James Madison.

Alexander Hamilton (@hammie51)

@tjefferson but you did kiss him

Thomas Jefferson (@tjefferson)

That is simply a relic of the fact that Virginians are more affectionate than Northerners. James and I are best of friends and nothing more.

Henry Laurens (@HenryLaurens)

Does George Washington know about the complete idiocy within his cabinet? Is he complicit? @whitehouse @gwashington

Thomas Jefferson (@tjefferson)

@HenryLaurens There's nothing for him to know. Not in my case, at any rate.

\--

“The media's blowing up.” Madison was perched on Jefferson’s couch, flicking through Twitter. “They’re all convinced we’re together.”

“Have _any_ of them heard my stances on homosexuality?”

“They seem to think that makes our posited relationship more likely somehow.”

Jefferson sighed a deep, dramatic sigh. “The populace is so _uneducated_ ,” he said, flopping across the couch, his feet landing in Madson’s lap.

Madison shrugged. “I’ll say it again. You kiss me when you’re excited.”

“In a completely platonic, heterosexual manner!”

“Well, others obviously don’t see it that way.”

—

Thomas Jefferson (@tjefferson)

Impeach Alexander Hamilton.

Alexander Hamilton (@hammie51)

@tjefferson why?

Thomas Jefferson (@tjefferson)

@hammie51 Because you and your ideals are destroying this country, and you are spreading lies and slander.

Alexander Hamilton (@hammie51)

@tjefferson i made one offhand comment about how close you are with james madison. not my fault someone took a picture of you kissing him.

Thomas Jefferson (@tjefferson)

@hammie51 My relationship with James Madison, and any kissing between the two of us, is completely platonic and heterosexual.

Alexander Hamilton (@hammie51)

@tjefferson two men kissing is rarely heterosexual

George Washington (@gwashington)

@hammie51 @tjefferson Personal attacks between my cabinet members in public will not be tolerated. Please report to me on Monday.

Charles Lee (@lee-vemealone)

@hammie51 @tjefferson @gwashington oooohhhh, things are heating up over here

Alexander Hamilton (@hammie51)

@lee-vemealone shut up, lee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No One Is Straight


End file.
